I’ll never forget my first jam session. As a seventeen year-old banjo wielding hippy kid I was a sore thumb already, but to top it off I was extremely nervous.
Like, reee—ally extremely nervous, like, more nervous than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. So before I even entered a jam circle, I would be shaking like a leaf and sweating profusely. My nerves seemed to manifest in those two afflictions, shaking and sweating, and the combination was catastrophic.
I would get a few bars into a song and my banjo would start sliding around on my chest like an oiled watermelon, and then my picks would fly off my sweat soaked fingers. And even if I managed to keep them on, I would be shaking so hard that it would sound like I was playing tremolo!
But I kept returning to the jam sessions, doggedly determined to become a Jammer. And eventually the nerves subsided and I was to enjoy playing with others, although it did take some time. Looking back I wish I had known there were other strategies to cure stage fright, but it would take me decades to learn them. However you will get there much quicker, because I have distilled them into the following “Jedi Tips”, study them well and you will be able to perform without fear, and start enjoying your music much more…
Jedi Tip I – It’s All in Your Head!
When you first perform a song, there are literally “two of you” playing: your Fingers, and your Mind. While your Fingers race around the fretboard, your Mind sits in the control tower and tries to keep the car on the road. But after awhile, when the piece is memorized and in your “muscle memory”, the Fingers pretty much operate on auto-pilot and now there is only “one of you” playing… your Mind. And, unfortunately, this is often where the trouble starts. Why? Because once the tune is learned, your Fingers are like mindless drones, simply following the programing you gave them. Your mind however, is a real Nervous Nellie, never at ease for very long. Your fingers can be playing along, doing just fine, and then suddenly the Mind says “wow, we’ve made it this far, wouldn’t it be a shame if we screwed up now?”. Or, “I wonder what the audience is thinking, maybe I don’t sound good to them?”. And then of course you crash, through the power of suggestion. Your Fingers are doing fine, it’s your Mind that’s the problem!
The solution? Well, it goes by many names. Some call it meditation, some say concentration, and others think of it as thought-control. But all good performers have one thing in common: they are the boss of their own head! They are able to prevent negative thoughts and keep their attention glued to the song. There is no room for “what if I mess up?” or “I’m not sure I can get through this piece”, and if a negative thought begins, it is stopped instantly, as if hit by a laser. Because the less “chatter” you have going on upstairs, the better you will play! But, just like anything, this is improved by practice. So here is an exercise we want you to do, we call it “Chord Meditation”:
Chord Meditation: In the exercise we will be attempting to focus on one simple thing, such as strumming a single chord, and preventing any additional thoughts from occurring. And although this might sound like an easy assignment, it can be quite challenging. Here’s how you do it: get comfy, kick your feet up, and saddle up your instrument of choice. Then get a slow and easy strum going over one chord (yes, just one chord). Now, as you strum, your job is to notice every time a thought arises, and then immediately leave that thought and focus back on your strumming. You will discover right away that it is impossible to prevent thoughts from occurring! Whether the thought is “ouch, my fingers hurt”, or “I wonder if I remembered to put out the garbage cans today?” thoughts will continually arise, like clouds in the sky. The trick is to get quicker at noticing when the thought appears, then stopping the thought and returning to focusing on your strumming. It will be frustrating at first, but over time you will be able to recognize and shut down negative thoughts when you are playing, which is the ultimate musical Jedi skill!
Jedi Tip II – Lower Standards, Higher Success
I remember the first time I started going into the recording studio, and I didn’t find it very enjoyable. In my experience, playing on stage was like a passing conversation, mistakes were forgotten as soon as they occurred. But in the recording studio, every single note was etched in stone, and if I played one I didn’t like I was doomed to hear it back for eternity! As a result I wasn’t very fun to work with, and would sometimes play a part a dozen times before I was satisfied with it. Not to mention that someone else was paying hourly! It took a year or so before I had my revelation: I was always trying for %100, and of course never quite achieving that. The day that I decided to lower my “personal standard” to %75, life became sooo much easier. Not only was I able to actually achieve my new goal, but started having fun as well.
And you can do this as well, we just have to replace some of your beliefs with a more accurate set. Here is the formula:
Old belief: I must play the song without making any mistakes
New belief: All I have to do is make it through to the end, without stopping!
Old belief: If I make a mistake, my performance is ruined
New belief: Every performance has mistakes, what matters is that we recover from them gracefully and keep playing!
Old belief: The audience will know when I mess up, and will not like it anymore
New belief: The audience is super impressed that I am doing this to begin with, and hasn’t a clue about my mistakes (unless I make it obvious!)
Old belief: I have to play the piece perfectly
New belief: All I need to do is have fun and “get into it”, and my audience will enjoy it as well!
Old belief: I’m not ready to perform this piece yet!
New belief: I will never be %100 ready, and playing it NOW is making me a better player
If you do your best to replace these old beliefs, you will find that not only will you enjoy performing more, but your playing will improve as well.
Jedi Tip III – Learning to Crash
Now that we have convinced you that making mistakes and “crashing” is inevitable, you will want to learn the next Jedi skill: how to Crash properly! For example in the martial art Judo, the first thing you learn is how to fall correctly, and this is just as important for performing music. If you remember the following “Crash Corrections”, you will have a much easier time and so will everyone else…
Crash Correction 1: Keep Going no matter what!
When you stop playing, the song dies. And then you either have to start over (whish is bad) or give up entirely (which is worse). So the first rule of crashing is to always keep going, and never stop for more than a nano-second! Not only will this save your performance but it is also a crucial skill when jamming with others, because as you can imagine, the entire jam session isn’t going to come grinding to a halt everytime you crash. Nope, it’s going to charge on ahead like a freight train. So, never stop till you reach the very last note!
Crash Correction 2: Recover with Humor
It has been said that “laughter is the best medicine”, and there is one place where it works wonders: when you screw up! If you practice laughing (or at least smiling) when you mistake, you will find that the “mistake” is much less of a big deal. And equally important, your listeners will feel the same way. Think of it this way: if you shake your head or grimace when you mess up, you are literally selling your mistake to the audience. So, keep that frown upside down and you find it much easier to play in front of others 🙂
Crash Correction 3: Don’t Have a Hissy Fit
The fact is, most listeners wont even know when you a “wrong note”, unless you make it obvious. So if you shake your head, curse, look crestfallen, or stop and say “f***, I’m starting over”, then of course they’ll know you screwed up! The solution here is simple: just don’t react when you mess up! Keep that poker-face deadpan going, and just keep on rollin. And if you DO react, then go back to Crash Correction #2 and laugh about it. Just don’t throw a fit!
Crash Correction 4: Explore the “mistakes”
There is an amusing musical saying that goes “when you make a mistake, just repeat it, and people will think you’re playing jazz!” And although this is a bit tongue-in-cheek, there is also truth to this idea. In fact, musical “mistakes” are often great springboards for new ideas, and many great composers have done the same. So for example, if you’re playing a G scale and you hit a B-flat instead of the “correct” B-natural note, try quickly sliding up a fret… Voilà, now it sounds bluesy! Or lets say you’re playing Cripple Creek, and when you get to that first C chord, you play it a fret too high by accident. Instead of freaking out and stopping, just move down to the right fret and keep playing, and that first “mistake” now just sounds like a jazzy transition. See? Rather than making mistakes the enemy, just dance with them and work them into your flow, and you’ll be unstoppable 🙂
Jedi Tip IV – “Quasi-performing” and Stress Inoculation
The problem with most music students is that they only practice “solo”, they don’t practice for performance. We all know that you can get a song down pat, but as soon as you try to play it for someone it falls apart, right? This is because you weren’t practicing with “stress”, or in other words, with some kind of attention directed at you. So to get better at playing in front of others, and to get over stage fright, you really need to find ways to practice with some kind of attention directed at you. This is what is known as “stress inoculation”, and basically means finding ways to create small amounts of stress while you’re playing, so that when you encounter larger amounts of stress (like performing!) you are used to that feeling. Don’t worry, this really isn’t as scary as it sounds, and the following ways of Quasi-performing can actually be fun if you keep at it. And, it will melt away your stage fright like butter on a hot grill!
Quasi-performance method 1: Zoom lessons!
One of the best ways you can get flight time playing in front of people is on Zoom, with your instructor! We often think of taking lessons as more passive, where you are simply receiving information and watching the teacher demonstrate things. However, here at JamAlong Music our instructors make time for you to play through songs, while the teacher simply watches and listens. And sure, this can be a bit nerve-wracking, but it’s much easier than getting on stage or playing for an audience. So if you’re a current JamAlong student, be sure to remind your instructor that you want to perform some pieces for them, and if you’re not a student, click HERE to get a FREE Zoom lesson with us!
Quasi-performance method 2: The “Park Bench” exercise
This exercise is amazingly effective, and also available to everyone. Simply find a spot in public where you can sit and practice, while people come and go around you. This can be a bench at your local park, your front porch, or a chair in front of your favorite cafe. The point is to put yourself in a “semi-public” setting, where folks will notice you and perhaps even stop to listen. But your mission is simple, keep playing no matter what! Whether people just walk by or stop and listen, just keep playing and don’t be distracted. And you will be surprised how soon you get used to the feeling, and even start to enjoy the attention!
Quasi-performance method 3: Posting videos
Nowadays with cell phones, we can make videos at any time. So take advantage of this and make some videos of yourself playing! Yes, this will cause some nerves, but remember, that’s the point. And to increase the pressure, be brave and post your videos online, we recommend our friendly Facebook group Playing Music Together, go check it out, it’s mostly beginners and you’ll fit right in!
Quasi-performance method 4: Friends and Family
This is an easy one, simply corner your friends and family members and make them listen while you play a song! To make it official, you can tell them “it’s for my music lesson practice”, but most of us have at least a few folks in our inner circle that will sit for a song or two 🙂
Quasi-performance method 5: Playing for Online Friends
As an extension to the previous QP method, having a “support group” of folks online is a great resource. You can take turns playing for each-other, share you latest victories and frustrations, and build a network of fellow music learners! once again our Facebook group Playing Music Together is a great way to get started, just make a post saying something like “looking for fellow music students to practice performing for eachother”, and bingo, you’ll have a brand new community before you know it!
Quasi-performance method 6: Online performances
This Quasi-performance is like the next step up from QP #1, where you play for more folks than just your instructor. There are many online groups where you can play for others, but we highly recommend our online Open Mics, where about a dozen JamAlong students take turns playing songs for each other and offering support. You can check out a past JamAlong Open Mic HERE, and just get ahold of us to get on the schedule for the next one!
Jedi Tip V – Jam sessions!
Last, but not least, is going to jam sessions! These informal gatherings of amatuer musicians are one of the best ways to get used to playing for (and with) others. And, unlike an actual performance or concert, most folks at jam sessions are a friendly bunch. You’ll get a lot of support and positive feedback, opportunities to offer up songs, and invaluable experience in staying in time and being in the spotlight when you “take leads”. You can generally find jam sessions by asking at your local music store, folk music association or even online platforms like Meetup.com. You can also learn to host your own jam session in the JamAlong class How to Run a Jam.
So keep on putting yourself out there, and we promise that over time your fear will fade, and you will be able to enjoy sharing your music with others!
