Healing Your Musical Past – Jessica’s story
“…I’ve always wanted to sing and I remember the day that I stopped. I was about 10 and was singing my favorite Salt n’ Pepper song in the car. My brother turned around and asked “What are you doing!?” I said “Singing!” He responded with ” It sounds horrible. You have no clue how to sing. Don’t you hear yourself???” His reply broke my singing spirit and I have not belted with confidence since then. This book and what I have read on your page gets the attention of 10 year old me and thinks, “Maybe I can.”
This story is a heart wrenching example of how great an impact early influences can have on our creative spirit, for better or worse. Whether it is a sibling, a parent, or a not-so-nice music teacher, the stories we are told early on often become a narrative for the rest of our lives. In the innocence of our formative years, we believe what we are told, and if we are told we can do something, we usually can. Sadly, the opposite also holds true. It could probably be said that over half of the people that are not comfortable expressing themselves musically are that way because of an early negative influence.
The good news is that you are certainly not alone, and in fact are in the majority. You are normal to have these issues! What’s even better news is that you have the power to re-write these stories, starting right now. Starting with the fact that you are reading these words!
However, for most of us this reclaiming of our musical past will require a process, during which we create safe musical experiences that build our confidence back up. We will also have to let go of the common “voices” we will hear, such as “maybe they were right, maybe I really AM terrible!”, or “Its been too long, it’s just too late to try and start again now”. Or even “What will they think when they hear me? They’ll laugh!”
These are all merely the voices of self doubt, and they harass anyone who is trying something new and stepping outside of their comfort zone. In fact, if you don’t hear these voices then you’re probably not really challenging yourself!
The trick is to not engage these thoughts and try to argue them away. That is fighting fire with gasoline. Our minds are capable of infinite self deception, and it is much more effective to simply acknowledge our doubts, politely disagree with them, and then get back to the task at hand. If we are diligent and dont give up, he voices will eventually subside to a murmur, and eventually fade away. However, that’s not to say they won’t be back. They will. But then we just go through the process again. Don’t argue, accept, smile and get back to work! Basically you are engaging in a form of active meditation here, and our actual goal is simply to focus. And it’s not about how long you can stay focused, it’s about how quickly you can come back to it!
This is soooo important. Unless we are yogis, most of us aren’t going to be able to achieve anything near perfect focus. So dont even try. Just keep coming back.
Now, the particular musical activity you choose will of course depend on your own interest. For some, it will be singing along with the radio (when there is no one around!). For others, it will be sneaking up to the piano and plinking around, like a little child exploring a new back yard. The common theme here is that we are doing it a non-threatening environment, and we are merely taking “baby steps!” And thirdly, we are not being too serious about it! The more silly and playful we can be, the faster we will learn.
Think of this as the “What, Where and How” principle:
What: small, simple and easy things to play
Where: somewhere SAFE! (where we won’t be interrupted or poked fun at)
How: Silly and short! have FUN and don’t burn out by doing it too long.
Although the majority of us seem to do better by ourselves when we’re just starting out, there are some of who prefer a more social approach and learn better with friends. That is great, but the key is to have learning-buddies who are on the same page as you, and are ready to laugh a lot and have a blast making silly noises with you. (Notice we don’t say “make music”, we say “make silly noises”).
It is important to remember that we are doing this process for ourselves, by ourselves, and we don’t need to prove anything to anyone. There may come a day when that very person who ridiculed us back when we were 10 years old for singing along to a Salt n’ Pepper song will do a double take, and say “wow, you can really sing!”. In that case, by all means bask in your new found glory! But the real victory is that we overcame our negative self beliefs and were able to fix the part of us that was damaged by early criticism.
And sure, there may be (and probably will be) others who come along and act like jerks, criticizing us and trying to shut us down. But we’ll know that we’re now stronger than that, and we’ll never believe the naysayers again.
Haters gonna hate!
